So be it...

There are alot in my mind but yet those words just couldn't be express easily like how I want it to be. God created us with complicated structure compared to other living things. With this complicated structure especially our sophisticated brain, we can think differently. I know that He made us in such a way because He wants us to make a different to others but yet I wish that life could be much more simpler so that I do not need to think so much.

I have been thinking thinking and thinking again.. Everything started to make sense but yet I refused to believe. Problems arose one after another. I'm getting weaker and weaker day by day. I feel like letting it go and let nature takes place. But after all, is it because of me thinking too much and makes everything become so complicated that bring me into this position.

I felt like I had been lied times after times but yet I still hoping that I'm crawling in my dreamland and waiting for the time to wake up. All the promises were again mere lies. I can't blame it on you after all based on the rule of utilitarianism. There is no right or wrong in everything that you do.

Things change, don't they?? We can't stop the world from changing. It's part and parcel of life. It's always me that doesn't want to accept the changes happening all around me. So, I shall throw this word out again that "I don't care". By this way, it at least make me feel a little better. I really hate hurting others so I decided to hurt myself rather to hurt others. "If you want others to love you, first you must let others to hurt you"

I have been getting alot of teaching, life teaching, lately. I feel like uneasy about what I have been doing. I found out that I had not doing much things about it and keep on falling deeper into it. I reflected on myself. i think that the problem lies on myself after all. Now i understand the importance of fellowship. It really does help. I shall lay my burdens onto your shoulder and leave it onto you.

Life is hard.